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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that all company decision should be taken by managers, whereas, others think it is better to include employees while decision making ? Discuss both points and give your opinion

#people #company #decision #managers #employees #points
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Some people think the manager should deal with any problems that cause in the company because
this
 position should be the one who leads the future of
company
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the company
show examples
,
while
 others believe every employee including their leader can lead the better options since the solutions can be considered by various perspectives. From my point of view, I agree with the former opinion since they have the knowledge in
this
 field.
To begin
 with, the managers have a role to focus on strategies for managing because
this
 position has a long to think about the issues and solutions, with their experience in business skills that directly study in the university. There are several different aspects without clear knowledge of the actual problem that will make the situation worse.
Therefore
, the enterprise should be led by people who can deal with the threat with theories.
However
, others hold the belief that if the office can be sent several viewpoints,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 should be more solutions since they have many professionals in each company.
For instance
, managers cannot detect other problems since they don't know each employee's work role.
As a result
, the leaders only think about
overall
 strategies,
while
 do not know there are many workforce who suffer from overworking.
To conclude
,
although
 more brains can tackle each problem, it can be a workload for the leader to filter the issue from each worker. I think it would be more convenient if only managers who learn the managing and financial courses in the master's degree
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 easily tackle the problems without unnecessary opinions.
Submitted by jirawat.sea on

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Task Response
The essay partially addresses the task but lacks depth and adequate support. It is important to fully explore both points of view and provide more detailed examples to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion. Ensure that your ideas are logically and cohesively presented, and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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