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Band 7

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts illustrate the proportions of students from both genders that excelled in five subjects over the period
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1960 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Males
Use synonyms
 were better at
Science
Use synonyms
,
Math
Use synonyms
 and
Humanities
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
females
Use synonyms
 obtained higher grades in
Arts
Use synonyms
 and
Languages
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1960,
males
Use synonyms
 surpassed
females
Use synonyms
 in
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Math
Use synonyms
 with nearly 33% and 30% of male students that scored high grades compared to 10% and 4% of the
females
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Females
Use synonyms
 excelled in
Arts
Use synonyms
,
Languages
Use synonyms
 and
Humanities
Use synonyms
 with nearly 30%, 45% and 32%
scored
Wrong verb form
scoring
show examples
 excellent grades respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of
males
Use synonyms
 that got good scores in those subjects
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 9% in
Arts
Use synonyms
, 21% in
Languages
Use synonyms
 and 23% in
Humanities
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2000, there was a slight decrease in the percentage of
males
Use synonyms
 that excelled in
Science
Use synonyms
, by 10% and by 12% in
Math
Use synonyms
, despite that,
males
Use synonyms
 remained in the lead. There was a small increase in
Arts
Use synonyms
 to about (21%)
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and a significant increase in
Humanities
Use synonyms
 to 42%. As for the
females
Use synonyms
, the proportion that obtained top degrees in
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Math
Use synonyms
 remained nearly the same. There was a slight decrease in by 5 % in
Arts
Use synonyms
 and by 10% in
Languages
Use synonyms
 and
Humanities
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, science, math, humanities, females, arts, languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • top grades
  • achievement
  • gender disparity
  • educational trends
  • academic performance
  • comparison
  • decade
  • educational policy
  • societal expectations
  • improvement
  • educational attainment
  • graduates
  • academic excellence
  • statistics
  • educational landscape
  • benchmark
  • parity
  • gender roles
  • historical data
  • performance indicators
  • educational improvements
  • longitudinal study
  • scholastic achievement
  • gender gap
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