IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #leisure #activities #waste #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 it is believed by many individuals that
children
Use synonyms
's recreational tasks must be related to their academics, as doing
extra curriculum
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 might not contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their learning, I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 ideology because
children
Use synonyms
's free play contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
overall
Linking Words
 development and
act
Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
show examples
as a refreshment for them. The primary reason is that when minors spend their time in play, it is conducive to their
overall
Linking Words
 growth. When they take part in any game or sport, it encourages physical movement of their body that
further
Linking Words
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
 their cognitive abilities.
Further
Linking Words
, how something can be disadvantageous that offers physical and psychological growth
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
As solely academics are not enough to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with
this
Linking Words
 competitive world.
For instance
Linking Words
, schools organize other
activities
Use synonyms
 and events
such
Linking Words
 as annual functions,
sports
Correct word choice
and sports
show examples
 events for students to help them
in achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 their milestones.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is indubitable that free time
activities
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 another form of learning called play-based learning.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having some play other than studies is a kind of boost
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for learners. These days, most of them follow hectic
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
 by staying at school for long hours and
attend
Wrong verb form
attending
show examples
 evening tutorials, which might distress them. Following the same routine with a heavy study routine could make their life monotonous. If
children
Use synonyms
would
Verb problem
are
show examples
 only
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
encouraged for educational achievements, it may exert pressure on them and they might lose their interest in studies completely without any change or fun activity.
This
Linking Words
 is why, developed
nations
Change noun form
nations'
nation's
show examples
 study curriculum offers various incursion and excursions for
children
Use synonyms
 to expand their knowledge and focuses on other developmental aspects as well. Henceforth, it is significant to bring some novelty
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their daily routine for their personal
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. In conclusion, I concur that leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 improve
children
Use synonyms
's
overall
Linking Words
 health and give them a
change
Correct your spelling
chance
show examples
 or energy to get back to their studies.
Submitted by meghnabawa91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: