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Band 5

Parents, usually mothers, stay at home to look after their family. People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that. Do you agree or disagree?

#parents #mothers #home #people #salary #government
Nowadays it is claimed that the states ought to pay
money
 to parents ,especially,
mothers
, because some individuals are of the opinion that
mothers
 should stay at home and look after their children
instead
 of going out to work. Personally,
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several reasons, I almost agree with
this
 view and
that is
 why I believe that the authorities have to divide a special budget for
mothers
 and their responsibilities.
To begin
, as I said before, I think that the governments should pay
money
 to
housewives
.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 reason for
this
, as everyone knows,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 cost of living and some important expenditures have increased in the
last
 2 decades.
Therefore
 both parents have to become breadwinners in order to take care of their infants.
As a result
,
kids
 are neglected
as well as
 improperly
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
brought up and perhaps a country’s future is spoiled.
Moreover
, nobody can deny the role of
mothers
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their children's manners and education. If the states provide economic support to
mothers
, they will be able to look after their children.
Housewives
 may send their
kids
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various courses
such
 as wrestling or painting and
thus
 these
kids
 will be able to
introduce
Wrong verb form
be introduced
show examples
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 countries all over the world.
On the other hand
, I disagree that
housewives
 are provided with
money
 support
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because I suppose that the budget of the country is not inexhaustible. They have critical responsibilities on not only those who are unemployed females
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 orphans and people who are pensioners.
Furthermore
, they can choose
kids
 that they want to educate and bring up them carefully. In conclusion, I concur with the idea that the authorities ought to pay
money
 to
housewives
while
 they take into consideration a country’s budget.
Submitted by ismayilovemin530 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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