IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

IELTS Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media.

#ielts #attention #prevalence #media
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Poor
Concentration
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 Social publishing Almost everybody in
this
Linking Words
 world probably has social
media
Use synonyms
. Some social
media
Use synonyms
 is used to communicate with other
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
, some are used for sharing products to sell, and some social publishing is used for entertainment. Social
media
Use synonyms
 has quick access to connect with other people. You just type the message and send it to the person you aimed
.
Change preposition
at.
show examples
 The person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 receives the message can immediately reply to your message. The fast service of social
media
Use synonyms
 nowadays made a new phenomenon known as poor
concentration
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon happens for all ages, not only
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 population or
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
. Some studies reported that young folk in school have short consideration spans to give mind to the teacher who teaches them in class. Some students who use social
media
Use synonyms
 suggest getting instant information from their account in less time than learning
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 in school so that they can get the information quickly. They just can’t concentrate on their consciousness for a long moment because they
used
Add a missing verb
are used
show examples
 to
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 thinking to something in only a few minutes. Poor
concentration
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 happens for adult in their
work
Use synonyms
. Some workers like to use their phones during
work
Use synonyms
 and can’t pay attention to their
work
Use synonyms
 for a long time. Their attention
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
 distracted by the thinking of what happened on their social
media
Use synonyms
, what is the newest news that becoming a trending topic, or what is their idols or celebrities they followed
last
Linking Words
 update. And those, sometimes, will affect their
work
Use synonyms
 as they can’t fulfil their duty well. The difficulty of keeping the mind focused caused by social
media
Use synonyms
 made a conclusion that probably we have to reduce the time spent on social
media
Use synonyms
. It’s okay not to know any news quickly, and it’s don’t mind getting new information by more time-consuming in the classroom, because we
also
Linking Words
 need to have a strong
concentration
Use synonyms
for finishing
Change preposition
to finish
show examples
 our job quickly, keeping our memory retention, and have strong focus.
Submitted by syifanurul.maulani1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: