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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
Nowadays, when society is developed, more and more
people
 believe they deserve to get more benefits like spending free
time
 going to shopping centres. In
this
 essay, I will discuss about pros and cons of
this
 problem.
Firstly
, shopping centres and supermarkets are places where
people
 can use their
money
 to buy goods, which
also
 brings them better feelings like reducing stress.
Moreover
, it is a method that helps develop the economic background of the country. Teenagers will spend their
time
 shopping
instead
 of doing organized activities like sports or music, it just might they do not want to do them.
On the other hand
, going shopping can be harmful for teenagers when they have not earned
money
, which means their
money
 almost come from their parent.
This
 is a negative point because young
people
 are not aware of how difficult to earn
money
 .
In addition
, if they spend too much
time
 going to the shopping centre, they will skip work have to finish.
That is
 a big problem. In conclusion, young
people
 spending their leisure
time
 at shopping centres has both positive and negative. Positive things will be more when they know how to use
money
 and manage
time
Submitted by hoaan2409 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay contains some relevant points, but it lacks clear organization and development. You need to work on presenting a well-structured response with a clear position and developed ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks clear organization and coherence. Make sure to use appropriate linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. Also, ensure that your ideas are presented in a logical order.
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of lexical resources. Consider using more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas effectively.
Grammatical Range
Focus on improving your sentence structure and grammar. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence construction to enhance the clarity and accuracy of your writing.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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