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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Do Children behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded?

#children
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Nowadays, a wide range of
children
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 different
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, either in bad  or good ways.
Additionally
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, it's better to reward them if they achieve something than to punish them merely for doing the wrong thing. Personally, I think
children
Use synonyms
 behave better when they are rewarded. I feel that way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, many
children
Use synonyms
 are perceived as doing exercises in class or studying an extra course.
However
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, it looks hard for the
children
Use synonyms
, so
instead
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 of that, their parents decide to give them a physical punishment every time they do not complete any task they ought to finish.
For instance
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, since
last
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 June, my cousin has not organized his room and has kept it in total chaos, as long as his mother gives him a physical punishment
such
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 as doing 25 push-ups five times.
As a consequence
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, some
children
Use synonyms
 in different countries are very mindful and smart
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 doing their tasks; they deserve as much as high performers are rewarded.
For example
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, most primary and middle schools in China reward their students for achieving good scores in education or sports competitions.
To Conclude
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, the prospect of giving
children
Use synonyms
 physical punishment is great if they do not concentrate on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 or training;
on the other hand
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, we
also
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 need to reward them if they achieve a good score in school or win a competition.
Submitted by alihafiid on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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