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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #parents’ #absence
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In today's age and time, it is imperative for
Use synonyms
parent's
Change the noun form
parents
parent
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 to strike an equilibrium in work and personal lives. Some people are of the opinion that extra money earned by adults is advantageous to siblings
while
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 others are opposed to it.
This
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 essay shall discuss both sides of the issue,
however
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, I side with the latter view. With an increase in
Correct article usage
the affordation
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affordation
Correct your spelling
information
affirmation
 cost of housing and basic amenities over the past few years, it is vital to understand that both parents should earn to provide their
children
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 with a better lifestyle. To commence with, some extra income would result in savings which can later
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
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benefit the child in a number of ways.
For instance
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,
Correct article usage
the fathers
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fathers
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father's
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 income can be utilised to cope
up
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apply
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with the daily expenses
while
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 on the
contarary
Correct your spelling
contrary
, the second half can be deposited in a savings account. The fact that
children
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 require their
parents
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parent's
parents'
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 support in
teenage
Correct pronoun usage
their teenage
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 years can not be overlooked. What's more,
Use synonyms
parent's
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parents
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 generally leave their siblings in
child care
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childcare
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 centres which can hamper their upbringing in a number of ways. Many
children
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, whose
Use synonyms
parent's
Change noun form
parents
show examples
 are employed, feel abandoned and unloved. There have been many instances where
such
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children
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 have been exploited.
In addition
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, these kids may act out in an attempt to get their
parent
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's attention.
For example
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, they may bully others, get into fights or perform poorly at school. The busier the
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parent's
Change noun form
parents
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 become, the more abandoned a child feels.
To conclude
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,
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 both adults should go out to work or not remains a highly contentious topic with arguments in favour and against it. In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in a number
ways
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of ways
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.
Submitted by harshveermangat141 on

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