IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's age and time, it is imperative for
Use synonyms
parent's
Change the noun form
parents
parent
show examples
 to strike an equilibrium in work and personal lives. Some people are of the opinion that extra money earned by adults is advantageous to siblings
while
Linking Words
 others are opposed to it.
This
Linking Words
 essay shall discuss both sides of the issue,
however
Linking Words
, I side with the latter view. With an increase in
Correct article usage
the affordation
show examples
affordation
Correct your spelling
information
affirmation
 cost of housing and basic amenities over the past few years, it is vital to understand that both parents should earn to provide their
children
Use synonyms
 with a better lifestyle. To commence with, some extra income would result in savings which can later
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
benefit the child in a number of ways.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the fathers
show examples
fathers
Change noun form
father's
show examples
 income can be utilised to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the daily expenses
while
Linking Words
 on the
contarary
Correct your spelling
contrary
, the second half can be deposited in a savings account. The fact that
children
Use synonyms
 require their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 support in
teenage
Correct pronoun usage
their teenage
show examples
 years can not be overlooked. What's more,
Use synonyms
parent's
Change noun form
parents
show examples
 generally leave their siblings in
child care
Correct your spelling
childcare
show examples
 centres which can hamper their upbringing in a number of ways. Many
children
Use synonyms
, whose
Use synonyms
parent's
Change noun form
parents
show examples
 are employed, feel abandoned and unloved. There have been many instances where
such
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 have been exploited.
In addition
Linking Words
, these kids may act out in an attempt to get their
parent
Use synonyms
's attention.
For example
Linking Words
, they may bully others, get into fights or perform poorly at school. The busier the
Use synonyms
parent's
Change noun form
parents
show examples
 become, the more abandoned a child feels.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 both adults should go out to work or not remains a highly contentious topic with arguments in favour and against it. In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in a number
ways
Change preposition
of ways
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: