IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country. Others think that they should live in a separate minority group with different lifestyle. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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A section of society
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that those who decide to relocate to another
country
Use synonyms
 should adjust the
rituals
Use synonyms
 of the new
regions
Fix the agreement mistake
region
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whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that they should stay
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 own group and live in a different way.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that it is more beneficial for people who
accpet
Correct your spelling
accept
 the new
rituals
Use synonyms
. It must be recognized that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 should find a way to adjust to a bucolic's
vitual
Correct your spelling
virtual
 regulation.
This
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 is because you can learn
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 language without
teacher
Add an article
a teacher
show examples
 or you can make friends, make your own network in the new region and the most important reason is that you will have more job
oppertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
For instance
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, people who want to grow their
carrier
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careers
show examples
,
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apply
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 will have
greater
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a greater
show examples
 chance if they know all the
rituals
Use synonyms
 of the new
country
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. It is more easy to get jobs or
oppertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 which can be successful.
Nevertheless
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, others say that it is more comfortable to live in a small group. It is
Wrong verb form
understood
show examples
understand
Wrong verb form
understood
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 when people cannot follow the
rituals
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 which may not
suitable
Add a missing verb
be suitable
show examples
Change preposition
for
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with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
. The biggest reason is that they do not have to learn a new language, do not have to make friends. It is great for those who are
extrovert
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extroverts
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.
However
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, at least they should still show their respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the differences.
For example
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, a section of religious moved to
new
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a new
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 which have rules contrary to their
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
, the only they can do is
staying
Wrong verb form
stay in
show examples
 their own group and adjust the rules but not follow
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. The writer believes that society must respect the
underlyding
Correct your spelling
underlying
 culture that existed for a long time when they
moeve
Correct your spelling
move
moved
 to another
country
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that you can experience new things which can help
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
show examples
 be successful and you can
also
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 get more benefit from the authority. Because of
this
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,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 should be
accpect
Correct your spelling
accept
 the new
rituals
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 so that they can develop and not be passive.
To sum up
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, being
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 and
respect
Wrong verb form
respecting
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 culture when you decide to
moved
Change the verb
move
show examples
 to another
country
Use synonyms
 is
necssary
Correct your spelling
necessary
.
It
Add the auxiliary verb
hasIt
show examples
also
Linking Words
 been shown that you are a polite and flexible person.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • assimilate
  • social cohesion
  • integration
  • navigating the job market
  • cultural preservation
  • sense of belonging
  • heritage
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural landscape
  • support network
  • transition
  • multicultural society
  • mutual respect
  • cultural identity
What to do next:
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