The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.

 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The presented chart provides information on the rate of children aged 5-12 that commute to school by various ways of transport from 1990 to 2010. As is observed , in 1990 not only walking but
also
Linking Words
buses were the most popular modes of transport Among students ,
however
Linking Words
,travelling by car ,cycling , both walking and
bus
Use synonyms
were the least popular. On the other ,side both cars and walking were the highest in 2010,
besides
Linking Words
that, cycling ,
bus
Use synonyms
, walking and
bus
Use synonyms
together were the lowest in 2010. To commence, the second way of transport was over 12
million
Use synonyms
in1990 which decreased to 6
million
Use synonyms
in 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
, car passengers were above 4
million
Use synonyms
which surged to around 11
million
Use synonyms
students in 2010.
furthermore
Linking Words
,
bus
Use synonyms
, walking and
bus
Use synonyms
together were around 7 and under 6
million
Use synonyms
respectively. which declined to under 6
million
Use synonyms
followed by walking and
bus
Use synonyms
which reduced to approximately 3
million
Use synonyms
people . In a similar fashion Cycling which had the smallest portion among others was about 6 in 1990 with a reduction of 2
million
Use synonyms
in 2010.
Submitted by Elisa  on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bus, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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