The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.

 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The presented chart provides information on the rate of children aged 5-12 that commute to school by various ways of transport from 1990 to 2010. As is observed , in 1990 not only walking but
also
buses were the most popular modes of transport Among students ,
however
,travelling by car ,cycling , both walking and
bus
were the least popular. On the other ,side both cars and walking were the highest in 2010,
besides
that, cycling ,
bus
, walking and
bus
together were the lowest in 2010. To commence, the second way of transport was over 12
million
in1990 which decreased to 6
million
in 2010.
In contrast
, car passengers were above 4
million
which surged to around 11
million
students in 2010.
furthermore
,
bus
, walking and
bus
together were around 7 and under 6
million
respectively. which declined to under 6
million
followed by walking and
bus
which reduced to approximately 3
million
people . In a similar fashion Cycling which had the smallest portion among others was about 6 in 1990 with a reduction of 2
million
in 2010.
Submitted by Elisa  on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bus, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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