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Writing Samples
Band 5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealth parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #wealth #parents
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Children
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 are brought up in two different types of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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. The first one is families that do not have large amounts of money and the other is wealthy families. There are some
opinion
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opinions
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 about which one
children
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has
Verb problem
is
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 better prepared to deal with the problems of adult
life
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. I personally agree that
children
Use synonyms
 who
brought
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are brought
show examples
 up in families that do not have large amounts of money
has
Verb problem
are
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 better prepared for the future. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I agree
about
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with
show examples
this
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 statement.
Firstly
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, based on my experience, I found some
example
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examples
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 of people that raised in
average
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an average
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 economy family
become
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becoming
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 more successful because they usually work harder for what they want to achieve. They tend to be more persistent because their desire to change their
life
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 better is
bigger
Correct word choice
greater
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 than the
children
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 who
raised
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are raised
show examples
 in wealthy
family
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families
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.
Furthermore
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,
majority
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the majority
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 of
this
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 type
have been
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has
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 usually experienced
about
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apply
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how hard
life
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 is and how to handle it. So when they
faced
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face
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 a
problem
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, they tend to be calm and can think clearly to solve the
problem
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.
Nevertheless
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, it does not mean that the other types of
children
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 can not do the same. Some of
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children
Add an article
the children
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 who
raise
Wrong verb form
are raised
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 in wealthy
family are
Wrong verb form
families
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also
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 can solve their
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problem
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problems
show examples
 in adult
life
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.
Finally
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,
although
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 some of my experienced show a positive trend about how
children
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 who raised
up
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apply
show examples
in
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
 economy family handle the
problem
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, the opposite one
is
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also has
show examples
also
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 have some positive side. In conclusion, I believe most
of
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apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who
brought
Add a missing verb
are brought
show examples
 up in
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 that do not have large amounts of money
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 better prepared for their future and to deal with the problems of adult
life
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. It would be more complete if their parents
also
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 raised them with a great way to conquer the world.
Submitted by hafizahnazir on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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