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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.
#information #water #consumption #two #countries
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The graph illustrates the
usage
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 of global
water
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 in 3 different sectors ( agriculture, industrial and domestic) between 1900 to 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the table
revealse
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reveals
 information about
water
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 consumption in
Brazil
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 and
Congo
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 in 3 various types (
population
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, irrigation and consumption per person) in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the global
water
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 which was used by agriculture was more
that
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than
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other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two groups.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
population
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 of
Brazil
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 was almost 30 times more than
Congo
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 and the average rate of
water
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 consumption was approximately 40 times more than
Congo
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 citizens. In 1990, almost 500km2 of
water
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 was used for agricultural parts,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number was less than 10km2 for both industrial and domestic parts. The
usage
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 of
water
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 for all 3 sectors significantly increased in the given period. In 2000, the
usage
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 of
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
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 sector was 3000,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number was almost 1000 and 500 for industry and domestic
usage
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,
repectively
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respectively
. The
population
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 of
Brazil
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 was 176 million,
while
Linking Words
 the
population
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 of
Congo
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 was 5.2 million in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, the irrigation lands of
Brazil
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
Congo
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 with 26500 km2 for
Brazil
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 and
100km2
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100 km2
 for
Congo
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. Brazilian people consumed 359m3
water
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 per person in comparison with
Congo
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 citizens, who consumed only 8m3
water
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 per person.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, water, brazil, congo, population, km with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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