Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.
Many individuals argue that huge, magnificent structures are crucial for a
city
. Some people
think that the money
ought to be spent on enhancing schools and hospitals
. I have some opinions about this
topic and I will elaborate on it in this
essay.
Nowadays, numerous folks go to travel overseas and visit popular places. As a result
, the city
can get a lot of money
, which is good for their communities. For example
, in South Korea
, there is a city
named Seoul, which is the capital city
of South Korea
. In Seoul, there are many popular places such
as The Lotte Tower, traditional buildings and local markets. Plenty of tourists go to those places and spend money
, which leads to making the city
better as well as
their citizen's living qualities. For
this
reason, large, impressive buildings are essential for a city
and citizens
.
Correct pronoun usage
its citizens
Although
I partially agree with this
, the money
should be spent on improving hospitals
. These days, our young population rate is declining but older people
's population rate is getting higher. Moreover
, many people
move to the big cities so that in the rural areas, only aged communities remain. For instance
, in South Korea
, young generations do not want to marry and also
they do not Rephrase
apply
want
have a child. Add the particle
want to
Consequently
, older people
are increasing more than youngsters so we must spend on money
build
Wrong verb form
building
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
hospitals
a hospital
hospitals
. If a lack of hospitals
, aged folks can die easily because average old people
have various chronic diseases. Of course, this
phenomenon is not just in South Korea
and it depends on counties
situation.
In conclusion, I think that both views are relevant. Replace the word
the country's
while
huge, impressive buildings are very important for a city
and that will be good for their citizens and we should build more hospitals
for aged people
which leads to our society becoming more harmonious.Submitted by livewire53 on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement to enhance the flow and coherence of the ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be strengthened to effectively frame the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay supports the main points, but there is room for improvement in providing more detailed and relevant supporting examples.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but more comprehensive ideas and examples need to be presented to fully develop the response.