IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates results in low art education.

#university #fees #employment #prospects #graduates #results #art #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In parallel to the economic crisis in the world, charges of any field have increased, which affects the economic stability in a lot of countries,
therefore
 unemployment has become the main problem in society. The above situation directly affects
art
graduates
 and
this
 leads to a reduction in the tendency of
art
 graduation.
Firstly
, when compared to the number of students in a university in science streams and
art
 streams, the highest number of students are in the
art
 stream. When these
graduates
 come to the job market, there is high competition among the
art
graduates
 because of limited employment.
For instance
, even though, the occupation in international relationships is a dream job of most
art
graduates
, only a limited number of
graduates
 obtain that opportunity. Because of
this
 volatility in
art
graduates
' employment, most of the students aren't willing to move to
art
 fields for their upper-grade educations.
Secondly
, related to industrialization, people allocate very limited time for their leisure, so they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough time to spend on indulgences in artistic productions like stage dramas,
art
 galleries, musical shows etc... . Because of
this
 situation
Add a comma
,
show examples
art
graduates
 face a problem of low demand for their final product ,
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 most employments have substituted for artificial intelligence, and
this
also
 leads to unemployment scarcity in the
art
 field.
On the other hand
,
art
 is essential for a balanced life
otherwise
 there may be high depression in people in the society and it will lead to vulnerable circumstances in society.
Therefore
 experts in
art
 fields are essential for the world. In conclusion, I am convinced that, If experts in arts fields are limited,
then
 they can achieve their target without any scarcity
further
, and they won't consider the high charges for higher education.
Submitted by chiranthiranwala on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: