IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Task 2: Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #employees #dress #quality #work
In recent years, fashion has played a critical part in our daily life, each different
outfits
Fix the agreement mistake
outfit
show examples
 will be suitable for
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of vacations.
While
 a number of notions believe it is crucial for workers to
dress
suitable
Change the word
suitably
show examples
 at the offices, other views think that the manager of the
company
 should pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the work rather than how the employees look. In my opinion, I strongly prefer the former
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the latter.
Firstly
, fashion and
clothings
Change the wording
clothing
items of clothing
articles of clothing
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
only
represented
Wrong verb form
represent
show examples
 the outside look, they
also
 show the owners’ personalities. For many people, it seems to be a waste of time and money to spend on clothes, they all have the similar thought that they should spend their budget on more necessary facilities.
This
 might be the biggest mistake because their outside appearances will much
likely
Correct quantifier usage
more likely
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
affect the way society
treating
Change the form of the verb
treats
show examples
 them.
For example
, during an interview, between a person who prepared their
outfits
 carefully and a person who
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not show any taste of fashion, the managers mostly will choose the first guy. It is not
how
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 your
dress
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 a great amount of money or not, but the important thing is you must have a tidy and perfect outfit for the right vacation. Viewed on different sides,
a nice
Correct the article-noun agreement
nice outfits
a nice outfit
show examples
outfits
 will not help the owners become more efficient at work. Despite the fact that how employees
dress
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 mainly important, the development of the
company
 should be a priority.
For example
, if a particular
company
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 too much attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
worker
Change noun form
worker'
show examples
outfits
,
while
 completely
forget
Wrong verb form
forgetting
show examples
 about improving their
company
,
this
 might soon
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
. On second thought,
required
Wrong verb form
requiring
show examples
 the employee to
dress
suitable
Change preposition
in suitable
show examples
 clothes is a way to show their respect to the customers. It
also
 helps the
company
 look more professional and polite. In conclusion,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective workers will develop the
company
 rapidly,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be more considered
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers’
outfits
.
Submitted by nghi.bella.phan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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