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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the annual visitor to new zealand from 5 countries for the years 1996 to 2014.

the graph below shows the annual visitor to new zealand from 5 countries for the years 1996 to 2014.
#visitor #zealand #countries #years
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The line graph illustrates
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of travellers from the five distinct nations to
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
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new zealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
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 between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1996 and 2014. The figures
represented
Add a missing verb
are represented
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 in
new zealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
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 dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Australia
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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held at first position for maximum expenditure and China was the lowest one among
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of the countries Japan,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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, and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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. In the period of 10 years from 1996 to 2006, the Australian visitors were at the peak of spending 2500
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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 which was more than double from
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 with 12000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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.
However
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the time Australia suffered from dramatic change and
moderatelly
Correct your spelling
moderately
 decreased to an average of 2000, but still was at the top
from
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of
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 with approximately 12000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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. On the other side, the total expenses
from
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of
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 Japan and
UK's
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UK
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 tourists were
extancly
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exactly
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 in the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
with
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at
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 500
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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 but in
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
the further
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 stages of 2002,
2008
Correct word choice
and 2008
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 they showed drastic
fluctutions
Correct your spelling
fluctuations
fluctuation
 in
opposite
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the opposite
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 with 1000$ and 200$, 900$ and 600$ respectively. Meanwhile, the money spent by
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
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traverllers
Correct your spelling
travellers
 were nearly nill to 400
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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 over the whole term.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dollar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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