The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that the accessibility of enjoyment, like video
games
on portable gadgets, will be injurious to communities in the society where they live. I partially agree with the given statement, and I will elaborate on it in this
essay.
On the one hand, our technology has developed, and many folks have invented various games
and devices. As a result
, we can play games
when we go to our offices or take the bus and tube which makes our lives better. For example
, in South Korea, many game
companies invented a variety of games
, such
as Seven Knights and some board games
; thus
, many individuals play those games
using smartphones or tablets, which makes them happy and reduces their stress. Moreover
, they can play electronic games
with their friends or families, which can help their social relationships. Therefore
, all video games
are not harmful to nations; it has some advantages, which are beneficial for some communities.
On the other hand
, some video games
have violent content, so some folks are affected by that, especially children because they easily believe that the game
situation is a legal thing in real society, so some youngsters do that acting in real life. For instance
, one game
is called GTA5. In that game
, they can do anything like steal some money or kill some innocent people and make a car crash. Consequently
, in the USA, many crowds can buy a
Correct article usage
apply
gun
, so some nations go to gun shops and buy guns and kill some individuals. Fix the agreement mistake
guns
For
this
reason, some electric games
will be harmful to folks because GTA5 also
can be played with potable gadgets like smartphones and tablets.
In conclusion, I partially agree with this
topic. Some games
are beneficial for people conversely
, some are not. So, we should be more careful and teach our juveniles because they do not know what is right or wrong.Submitted by livewire53 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
General
Remember to proofread your essay to correct minor typographical errors and enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Maintain a balance in discussing both sides of the argument to strengthen the essay's comprehensive approach.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to vividly express your ideas and add richness to your essay.
Introduction & Conclusion
You did an excellent job of introducing a balanced perspective on the topic, showing the advantages and disadvantages of playing electronic games.
Supported Main Points
Your specific examples, like the mention of South Korea and the game GTA5, effectively support your main points and make your argument more convincing.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay is commendable. You've neatly organized your essay into paragraphs, each serving a clear purpose.