The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#availability #entertainment #games #devices #individuals #society

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Some people believe that the accessibility of enjoyment, like video

games

Use synonyms

on portable gadgets, will be injurious to communities in the society where they live. I partially agree with the given statement, and I will elaborate on it in

this

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essay. On the one hand, our technology has developed, and many folks have invented various

games

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and devices.

As a result

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, we can play

games

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when we go to our offices or take the bus and tube which makes our lives better.

For example

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, in South Korea, many

game

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companies invented a variety of

games

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such

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as Seven Knights and some board

games

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;

thus

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, many individuals play those

games

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using smartphones or tablets, which makes them happy and reduces their stress.

Moreover

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, they can play electronic

games

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with their friends or families, which can help their social relationships.

Therefore

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, all video

games

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are not harmful to nations; it has some advantages, which are beneficial for some communities.

On the other hand

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, some video

games

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have violent content, so some folks are affected by that, especially children because they easily believe that the

game

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situation is a legal thing in real society, so some youngsters do that acting in real life.

For instance

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, one

game

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is called GTA5. In that

game

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, they can do anything like steal some money or kill some innocent people and make a car crash.

Consequently

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, in the USA, many crowds can buy

Correct article usage

apply

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gun

Fix the agreement mistake

guns

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, so some nations go to gun shops and buy guns and kill some individuals.

For

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this

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reason, some electric

games

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will be harmful to folks because GTA5

also

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can be played with potable gadgets like smartphones and tablets. In conclusion, I partially agree with

this

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topic. Some

games

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are beneficial for people

conversely

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, some are not. So, we should be more careful and teach our juveniles because they do not know what is right or wrong.

Submitted by livewire53 on Mon Sep 04 2023

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General

Remember to proofread your essay to correct minor typographical errors and enhance readability.

Task Achievement

Maintain a balance in discussing both sides of the argument to strengthen the essay's comprehensive approach.

Coherence & Cohesion

Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to vividly express your ideas and add richness to your essay.

Introduction & Conclusion

You did an excellent job of introducing a balanced perspective on the topic, showing the advantages and disadvantages of playing electronic games.

Supported Main Points

Your specific examples, like the mention of South Korea and the game GTA5, effectively support your main points and make your argument more convincing.

Logical Structure

The logical structure of your essay is commendable. You've neatly organized your essay into paragraphs, each serving a clear purpose.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

detrimental
adverse
excessive
physical and mental health issues
dependency
hinder
social skills development
academic performance
productivity
real-life experiences
social interactions
addiction
gambling
harmful behaviors

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