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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the two pie charts illustrate how many online sales for retail sectors in Canada completed in the 2005 and in the 2010.

the two pie charts illustrate how many online sales for retail sectors in Canada completed in the 2005 and in the 2010.
#two #sales #sectors #canada
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the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 two pie charts illustrate how many online sales for retail sectors in Canada
completed
Add a missing verb
were completed
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2005 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 4 areas that certainly
being competitive
Wrong verb form
compete
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other
Electronics
Use synonyms
&Appliance, Food&Beverage,
Home
Use synonyms
Furnishings
Use synonyms
, Video games Obviously, on the first graph
it is clear that
Linking Words
Correct article usage
an
show examples
immense amount of people prefer to afford electronic stuff, neither of the rest attractive products
couldn’t
Rephrase
could
show examples
 reach 30% at least like the
Electronics
Use synonyms
 and Appliance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the 2005
graphic
Fix the agreement mistake
graphics
show examples
absolutely
Change the word
absolute
show examples
 leader with marvellous sales is
Use synonyms
Electronics
Correct article usage
the Electronics
show examples
 sector,
despite
Capitalize word
Despite
show examples
 these factors Food & Beverage
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
made an astonishing comeback in 2010 and overcame
Electronics
Use synonyms
 with
2
Correct article usage
a 2
show examples
per
cents
Change the noun form
cent
show examples
 difference.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there is
also
Linking Words
race
Correct article usage
a race
show examples
 between
Home
Use synonyms
Furnishings
Use synonyms
 and Video Games,
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 start
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
Home
Use synonyms
Furnishings
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 difference
7
Change preposition
of 7
show examples
per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
 from
Add an article
an outsider
the outsider
show examples
outsider
Fix the agreement mistake
outsiders
show examples
,
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
show examples
 it came up
difficultly
Change the word
difficult
show examples
 for
Home
Use synonyms
Furnishings
Use synonyms
,
unexpected
Correct article usage
an unexpected
show examples
 downgrade from 25% to 15%. Enormous anarchy for
Home
Use synonyms
furnishings
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
 excellent opportunity for Video Games.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it’s
“ piece
Correct article usage
a “ piece
show examples
 of cake” for
Electronics
Use synonyms
 sales, they were most sustainable compared to each other. Food&Beverage represented
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 impulsive break of structure with 10 per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
 of rose.
Other
Correct article usage
The other
show examples
 two zones created fluctuations and didn’t
altered
Change the verb form
alter
show examples
 mind changing
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words home, furnishings, electronics with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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