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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the proportions of English men and women of different ages who were living alone in 2011. the pie chart compaes the numbers of bedrooms in these one-person households.

The bar chart below shows the proportions of English men and women of different ages who were living alone in 2011. the pie chart compaes the numbers of bedrooms in these one-person households.
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The bar chart reveals information about the English males and females in 8 different age groups, who lived alone in 2011. The pie chart shows data about the number of
bedrooms
Use synonyms
 in the houses with one resident.
Overall
Linking Words
, 34-
49
Replace the word
49-year-old
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 individuals had the highest percentage of living alone,
while
Linking Words
85
Correct your spelling
the 85-year-old
years
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group had the lowest. Most of the houses with one resident had two
bedrooms
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 and less than 2% of one-person households had 5 or more
bedrooms
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. In 2011, less than 50% of all age groups of English people lived alone. The
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
ratio of individuals who had a private house was more than 50% among 16 to 64
ages
Change the noun form
age
show examples
 groups of
mens
Correct your spelling
men
men's
 and women.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, more than 64
years
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 old individuals were less keen on living alone with
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 30% for 75-84
years
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 old, just less than 30% for 75-84 and just over 20% for 85 and over, respectively. In the case of the number of
bedrooms
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, 35.4% of private houses with one resident had 2
bedrooms
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, which was followed by 3
bedrooms
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 with 29.8% and
bedroom
Fix the agreement mistake
bedrooms
show examples
 by 28%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, Only less than 7% of one-person households had 4 or more
bedrooms
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words bedrooms, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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