IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures #points
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At the present
time
Use synonyms
, whilst proponents suggest boosting the gymnasium figures
enhance
Fix the infinitive
to enhance
show examples
communities
Fix the agreement mistake
community
show examples
 fitness, opponents claim that doing exercise may cause determinental outputs.
However
Linking Words
, I am of
belief
Add an article
the belief
show examples
 that athletic activities are essential to reduce mental and physical diseases. To embark on, agreeing that
excersising
Correct your spelling
exercising
 should be part of individuals’ lives, governments should encourage citizens to exercise daily by providing a plethora of
sports
Use synonyms
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 in different areas.
In other words
Linking Words
, if authority supplies gardens, gyms, schools and
everyplace
Correct your spelling
every place
show examples
 people may visit with treadmills, numerous adults even the
eledelry
Correct your spelling
elderly
 will consume
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exercising which can eliminate diseases like obesity and diabetes. What can be said is that expanding the number of
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities can
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 epidemics among people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, proponents
convinced
Add a missing verb
are convinced
show examples
 that doing
sports
Use synonyms
 may have serious
consequances
Correct your spelling
consequences
, and
this
Linking Words
 is
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 the
pressuseres
Correct your spelling
pressures
pressure
individual’s
Change noun form
individuals
show examples
 encounter in the 21st century.
In other words
Linking Words
, when students and
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 commute to their working
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 for a long
time
Use synonyms
, they come back with other
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 which put them under pressure so they do not find
time
Use synonyms
 to take care of their health.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the United Arab Emirates, teachers and students return
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
from school
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
evening
Correct article usage
the evening
show examples
 and rarely can find
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
 nearly to their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, what can be said is that
stick
Replace the word
sticking
show examples
 to a gym
progaramme
Correct your spelling
programme
 can be one of the reasons that
fill
Correct subject-verb agreement
fills
show examples
 the person
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
tensions
Fix the agreement mistake
tension
show examples
. In conclusion,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 essay has shown why many prefer to exercise these days, it can be said that
this
Linking Words
 happens mainly for physical and mental reasons. I reiterate my opinion that
this
Linking Words
 will be a positive development if governments
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 the expectations towards citizens and utilize
sports
Use synonyms
 instruments anywhere.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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