IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some working parents think that children centers can give the best care for the children, while others think that family members like grandparents can do this job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #children #centers #care #members #grandparents #job
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Due to
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heavy
Correct article usage
the heavy
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 workload, there’s
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 enough time available for some working parents to take good
care
Use synonyms
 of their
children
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. Some of them contend that
children
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 should be sent to
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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while
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 others leave their parenting burdens to other family members. From my perspective, taking
care
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 of them cannot be the responsibility of the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 or family members only.
While
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 it is hard to give equal attention to each child there,
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 are advantageous to
children
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’s development. First off, it can provide professional service with teaching staff, professional guidance in
children
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’s early
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
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 and facilities available for
children
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’s intelligence development,
besides
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, all mentioned above usually show up with educational games that
children
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 adore much.
Additionally
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,
children
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 will get in touch with a wider community in
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can participate in a variety of group projects, and learn how to communicate and cooperate with others as well, all-around development can be inspired during the process.
However
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, only relying on
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is not enough to be a good caregiver.
Therefore
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,
grandparents
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 should be involved in
this
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 respect. Obviously, taking
care
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 of
children
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 is physically demanding for senior people as they are easy to be exhausted.
Conversely
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, there is a strong emotional bond
lies
Verb problem
apply
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between
grandparents
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 and grandchildren, it guarantees that
grandparents
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 will devote enough love and
care
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 to younger generations in a family.
Grandparents
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 usually
equip
Wrong verb form
equipped
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 with various practical
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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,
after
Capitalize word
After
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 their retirement,
grandparents
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 will have amount of time to accompany
with
Change preposition
apply
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the whole family, which can release the pressure of working parents
of giving
Change preposition
to give
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care
Use synonyms
 to their
children
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. In conclusion, even though
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
centers
Use synonyms
 can provide more professional services, internal factors in family should not be missed,
children
Use synonyms
 need love and companionship from home as
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
well
show examples
.
Submitted by gaott0617 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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