IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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In modern human society, numerous citizens argue that the majority of consumers are convinced by commercials in order to purchase more
products
.
However
, others agree that we are no longer interested in advertisements which are no longer crucial. From my perspective, I strongly agree with the first statement which will be
further
 explained in
this
 essay On the one hand, enterprises tend to hire celebrities to advertise their
products
such
 as shampoo, energy drinks and cosmetics.
For example
, there is a shampoo brand called Clear which collaborated with Cristiano Ronaldo to advertise their new
products
.
Furthermore
, through advertisement companies can cause curiosity in
customers
. So that
customers
 can be well-informed of both new
products
 and attractive deals regarding the
products
 they are interested in.
For instance
, Lay’s advertises offers a variety of lucky prices for
customers
 who purchase snacks containing cards.
On the other hand
,
due to
 the fact that COVID-19 has caused the global economy into recession, people have decided to save money
instead
 of going shopping.
Therefore
, they share the same thought that advertising is pointless and unnecessary even though it is widely shown on many social media
such
 as TV, websites and YouTube.
Additionally
, there is recent research conducted by the Vietnamese government found that 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of citizens in Vietnam preferred saving money to spending them on unnecessary
products
 since 2021. In conclusion,
although
 COVID-19 is currently controlled,
customers
 are no longer keen on paying attention to advertising like before
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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