IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #supermarkets #responsibility #amount #foods #customers #goods
Nowadays, our planet
polluted
Add a missing verb
is polluted
show examples
 by different things.
However
, the main factor is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
amount
 of packaging of food. People
divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
show examples
 into two groups. The first group believes that responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 issue must be
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 and
supermarkets
.
Nevertheless
, the second group reckons that customers of these
supermarkets
 should refuse
buying
Change the verb form
to buy
show examples
 things
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 contain a lot of packaging. From my perspective, I do not have a concrete position. So, in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will
further
 explore
this
 thought-provoking question. On the one hand,
supermarkets
 and
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 have a big responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
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 it.
Firstly
, if
this
 package
made
Add a missing verb
is made
show examples
 of plastic
supermarkets
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
replace it
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 another material
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 can be recycled.
For instance
, paper or cardboard.
In addition
, if
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are using a big
amount
 of packaging
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
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 have to shrink
this
amount
 in order to save more materials for another batch of goods.
On the other hand
, consumers should be responsible too.
To begin
 with, it is our planet and it is our choice to protect it. So, if
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 and
supermarkets
 do not care about it we should.
For example
, we can avoid using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of packaging.
Furthermore
, we can buy reusable
package
Fix the agreement mistake
packages
show examples
 for all goods
instead
 of disposable packages.
Moreover
, in
supermarkets
Add a comma
,supermarkets
show examples
 there are
also
 goods from various
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
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 which are
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
.
As a result
, we as consumers need to support
this companies
Change the determiner
this company
these companies
show examples
 and consume their products. In conclusion, from my point of view, consumers and
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
 with
supermarkets
 have to cooperate in order to get good quality output and entirely avoid
this
 problem.
Submitted by slobodanatol83 on

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