IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued by many
people
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 that imposing excessive tariffs on
junk
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food
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 is important as it will greatly reduce
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 risks of
people
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 in certain countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that the government should charge higher taxes
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fast
food
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 companies. The money
that is
Linking Words
 raised by fast
food
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 organizations can be used to treat
people
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 who are suffering from
health
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 issues and it can be spent on educating
people
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 about
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 risks caused by the consumption of
junk
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food
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. Revenue gained from excising more on
junk
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food
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 can be allocated to treat patients who have
health
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 consequences. There are many hospitals that are finding it difficult to provide proper medical facilities because of the monetary situation and at the same
time
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,time
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 there are many patients that are struggling to treat their illnesses
due to
Linking Words
 their financial status.
For instance
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, a great program was initiated by McDonald’s where they funded unfortunate families with sick or injured children.
Moreover
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, governments and businesses can use the money to educate
people
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 on possible
health
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 problems that can be caused by consuming unhealthy
food
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. Majority of the teenagers eat
junk
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food
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 on a daily basis without knowing the possible consequences caused by
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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.
Therefore
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, authorities should spend more on publicizing information and different campaigns to promote
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
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 effects of
junk
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food
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 would be more conscious of what they eat and try to limit
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 intake of fast
food
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. In conclusion, fast
food
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 companies should be imposed with tariffs to limit the
health
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 risks of
people
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 in some countries. Taxing
junk
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food
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 will
also
Linking Words
 help to fund hospitals and
to
Verb problem
apply
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educate the citizens to be more aware of the
food
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 they intake.
Submitted by addaragelal on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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