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Band 4.5

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
It is argued by many
people
 that imposing excessive tariffs on
junk
food
 is important as it will greatly reduce
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 risks of
people
 in certain countries.
This
 essay agrees that the government should charge higher taxes
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fast
food
 companies. The money
that is
 raised by fast
food
 organizations can be used to treat
people
 who are suffering from
health
 issues and it can be spent on educating
people
 about
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 risks caused by the consumption of
junk
food
. Revenue gained from excising more on
junk
food
 can be allocated to treat patients who have
health
 consequences. There are many hospitals that are finding it difficult to provide proper medical facilities because of the monetary situation and at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 there are many patients that are struggling to treat their illnesses
due to
 their financial status.
For instance
, a great program was initiated by McDonald’s where they funded unfortunate families with sick or injured children.
Moreover
, governments and businesses can use the money to educate
people
 on possible
health
 problems that can be caused by consuming unhealthy
food
. Majority of the teenagers eat
junk
food
 on a daily basis without knowing the possible consequences caused by
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
Therefore
, authorities should spend more on publicizing information and different campaigns to promote
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 effects of
junk
food
.
As a result
,
people
 would be more conscious of what they eat and try to limit
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 intake of fast
food
. In conclusion, fast
food
 companies should be imposed with tariffs to limit the
health
 risks of
people
 in some countries. Taxing
junk
food
 will
also
 help to fund hospitals and
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
educate the citizens to be more aware of the
food
 they intake.
Submitted by addaragelal on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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