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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#crime #rate #countries #areas
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The criminal
rate
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 has been found to be higher in Urban areas than
rural
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in rural
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cities
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.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because of
higher
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a higher
the higher
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 number of
foreigners
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 and
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 cost of living. There are suitable
solutions
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 which can be applied to deal with
high
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a high
the high
show examples
rate
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 of
criminal
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crime
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 in the city. The most important reason for
increasing
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the increase in
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 the criminal
rate
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 has been released from the
increasing
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increase
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 in the number of
foreigners
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 annually, is
due to
Linking Words
 the availability of all amenities and entertainment in civilized
cities
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 as compared with rural areas.
In addition
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, tourists and illegal residents have made the problem more complicated.
Furthermore
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, the second reason is backed
to
Change preposition
by
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 the elevation in the cost of living for all people with limited salary.
In other words
Linking Words
, people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more money
in
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on
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 shopping, eating, travelling
as well as
Linking Words
 studying.
Consequently
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, many of
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 struggle financially which leads them back to crime. Interestingly, there are two effective
solutions
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 to reduce the
rate
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 of crime in
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Urban
cities
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 dramatically.
First
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The first
show examples
 method to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue is to control and modify the immigration of
foreigners
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 to these
cities
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.
This
Linking Words
 can be done by making restrictions on tourist’s
permeant
Correct your spelling
permanent
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as well as
Linking Words
 temporary residency which should be renewed annually.
Second
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The second
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 method of dealing with criminals’
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rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 is to have a good plan for increasing the salary will be treated on the
crime’s
Change noun form
crime
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rate
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. By doing
this
Linking Words
, it will help them integrate into society and give them some value
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 supporting themselves financially. In conclusion, controlling and modifying the immigration laws of
foreigners
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 to Urban areas and
also
Linking Words
 a good plan for increasing the salary are impact
solutions
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 in dealing with
this
Linking Words
 matter. Truthfully, if governments applied these
solutions
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,
crime’s
Change noun form
crime
show examples
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 would soon decline.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on your examples to make them more specific. Providing concrete examples can strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures and using a range of linking words to enhance cohesion and coherence in your essay. This will make your writing more fluid and engaging.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your essay.
Task Achievement
You've successfully identified key causes and solutions related to urban crime, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay is well-organized, allowing for a clear progression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • anonymity
  • social cohesion
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • desperation
  • urban stressors
  • mental health
  • community policing
  • job opportunities
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • public spaces
  • surveillance cameras
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • reintegration programs
What to do next:
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