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Band 3.5

The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#population #business #economy #society
I agree with the statement that
aging
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
people
 population is
disadvantage
Add an article
a disadvantage
show examples
 for business, economy,
society
Correct word choice
and society
show examples
. I have some opinions about it First of all, In my view, every business
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a
people
 who wants to buy something. I
sure
Add a missing verb
am sure
show examples
oldest
Add an article
an oldest
the oldest
show examples
person
 will not have money
for
Fix the infinitive
to for
show examples
 pay
anytime
Correct your spelling
time
show examples
. Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 maybe business products change their way to orient
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ancient
people
, but I am not sure.
For example
, Arthur
open
Wrong verb form
opened
show examples
shop
Correct article usage
a shop
show examples
 center
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
sale
Replace the word
sold
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clothers
Correct your spelling
clothes
 for teenagers. If 90%
person
 in
area
Add an article
the area
an area
show examples
 being
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 older than teenagers, Arthur does not have clients.
Secondly
, I believe, companies need
a young workers
Correct the article-noun agreement
young workers
a young worker
show examples
.
World
Add an article
The world
show examples
 economy must have a
people
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
, minds, and energy. Young minds push up
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 economy to
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
.
For instance
, universities, if
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
, where
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 find
a students
Correct the article-noun agreement
students
a student
show examples
? What about
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 industry, education industry,
travel
Correct word choice
and travel
show examples
 companies? I sure they
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 a young population.
Thirdly
,
Moreover
,
ancient
Add an article
an ancient
the ancient
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bad health,
low
Correct word choice
and low
show examples
 energy. They
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
support. Yes,
businessmans
Correct your spelling
businessmen
businessman
 improve
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their way
to fix
Change preposition
of fixing
show examples
this
 problem. Maybe open a project where
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
open
Change the verb form
opens
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 app, and
search
Correct subject-verb agreement
searches
show examples
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
supporter.
For instance
, my sister
travel
Wrong verb form
travelled
show examples
 to Germany,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using
program
Add an article
a program
show examples
 named AuPair.
This
 program
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
 a worker who
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
homework, for
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
apartment
Correct article usage
an apartment
show examples
 and visa to Germany.
Summarize
Fix the infinitive
To summarize
show examples
, I hope,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
ready
Add a missing verb
is ready
show examples
 for
this
 trend.
This
 trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages, but I think
minus
Correct article usage
the minus
show examples
 of
this
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 than
plus
Correct article usage
the plus
show examples
.
Submitted by eerooxa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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