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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe that other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #parents #members #grandparents #care #children #childcare #centres
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There has been a controversial topic about nurturing children in dual-income households. An array of individuals consent that the children should be taken care of by their blood relatives;
however
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, I have a belief that childcare institutions are a better choice for the development of youngsters. On the one hand, there are various contributing factors why close relatives,
for instance
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 grandparents, should be responsible for looking after their grandchildren. The straightforward explanation is that it is possibly economical and alleviates the financial burden for new parents.
Furthermore
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, it could foster an intimate connection between 2 generations.
According to
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 a survey in Vietnam, these youngsters are raised by their grandparents, having a deeper relationship and close-knit bond than those not in the nourishing situation.
However
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, I firmly hold the view that parents should dispatch their offspring to childcare service providers because of the comprehensive development of the children. The first reason is that centres are equipped with state-of-the-art infrastructure and possess properly trained babysitters, which facilitate the kid’s initial development.
For instance
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, a playground where they could participate in physical activities with their peers and a teacher who could teach them interesting lessons about the world.
Besides
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, by immersing first-hand in the outside world early, their interpersonal skills are enhanced significantly. It could be explained by the fact that if a child takes part in extra-curricular activities, he may learn how to make friends with others and to cope with troubles independently. In conclusion,
although
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 being looked after by relatives has some benefits on the family side, I still perceive that it is better for children’s growth if they are exposed to unfamiliar environments as soon as possible.
Submitted by tranngochientrinh on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good, but more coherence and cohesion between paragraphs and ideas are needed.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, offering clear and comprehensive ideas. However, the specific examples used could be more relevant and impactful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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