Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

Many stars are more popular for their social media presence and

money

rather than for their accomplishments. Some people say they set the wrong example for adults. I agree with

this

statement, and I will explain the reasons in

this

essay.

Firstly

, at that time social media

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

more powerful. Many actors

are spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

whole days on that and show

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their daily

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

luxury

Replace the word

luxurious

show examples

life and wealth. They are spending

the

Change the article

show examples

lot of

money

on branded clothes and

jewelry

Change the spelling

jewellery

show examples

to look

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

atractive

Correct your spelling

attractive

. They are earning good

money

through social media.

For example

, teenagers are

attractive

Replace the word

attracted

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

them easily and

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

to show

Replace the word

off

show examples

luxury

Replace the word

luxurious

show examples

life without doing hard work.

This

type of

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

may destroy the children’s future.

Secondly

, many

children’s

Change noun form

children

show examples

of actors do not struggle for success and easily get the breakthrough because of the success of their parents. Ordinary people are doing the

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

theator

Correct your spelling

theatre

and deserve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

success.

Due to

nepotism

Add a comma

,nepotism

show examples

they are not given a chance to work, so the result they end their lives. When you become

Change the article

show examples

actor

then

you

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

the

Change the article

show examples

lot of

money

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

buying branded clothes to create a good image in people.

For instance

, teenagers

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

to look attractive so they are spending

the

Change the article

show examples

lot of

money

on branded clothes. If

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

parents not

supporting

Wrong verb form

support

show examples

them, they will

involves

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

in crime. In conclusion, it seems like should be glamour and wealth rather than detrimental to the young generation. If they are not guided properly, they will be under bad things.

Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on Thu Sep 07 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The best way that a government can reduce the traffic congestion in cities is to provide public transport free of cost to people 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree

some people think that manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packagaed products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think all university student should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The most important aim of science ought to be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write a letter to the manager of the Lost and Found department of the railway regarding the luggage you accidentally left on the train. In your letter •give the details of your train trip •describe the luggage you left on the train •say what actions you want him/her to take.