Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Many stars are more popular for their social media presence and
money
rather than for their accomplishments. Some people say they set the wrong example for adults. I agree with
this
statement, and I will explain the reasons in
this
essay.
Firstly
, at that time social media
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
more powerful. Many actors
are spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
whole days on that and show
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their daily
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
of
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life and wealth. They are spending
the
Change the article
a
show examples
lot of
money
on branded clothes and
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
to look
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
. They are earning good
money
through social media.
For example
, teenagers are
attractive
Replace the word
attracted
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
them easily and
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
to show
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life without doing hard work.
This
type of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
may destroy the children’s future.
Secondly
, many
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
of actors do not struggle for success and easily get the breakthrough because of the success of their parents. Ordinary people are doing the
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
in
theator
Correct your spelling
theatre
and deserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success.
Due to
nepotism
Add a comma
,nepotism
show examples
they are not given a chance to work, so the result they end their lives. When you become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
actor
then
you
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
the
Change the article
a
show examples
lot of
money
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying branded clothes to create a good image in people.
For instance
, teenagers
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
to look attractive so they are spending
the
Change the article
a
show examples
lot of
money
on branded clothes. If
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents not
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
them, they will
involves
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
in crime. In conclusion, it seems like should be glamour and wealth rather than detrimental to the young generation. If they are not guided properly, they will be under bad things.
Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: