IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
There is no denying the fact that one of the critical things in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 is health, and we should be concerned about it.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that finding other options like medicines and treatment for
health’s
Change noun form
health
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 is better than
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 their doctor, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. I consider that
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 trend, and we must have the awareness of visiting
doctors
.
To begin
 with, a number of issues are dangerous and hard to deal with by ourselves.
In other words
, it may appear not a serious problem at first
then
 the
symptom
Fix the agreement mistake
symptoms
show examples
 get worse and worse.
In addition
, experts can give you the easiest or the best treatment for your situation.
For example
, the
last
 time I got a headache, I tried to drink tea, I thought it
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 make
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
on the contrary
 the pain got
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
, I went to my doctor, and he gave me a pill. Another point to consider,
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
doctors
 have knowledge more than anyone, they have studied medicine for six years. It is
also
 possible to say that no one has the ability to know the issue and cure it except the
doctors
, they have seen various illnesses and dealt with them.
For instance
, deadly diseases or viruses
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 Ebola and COVID-19. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that we ought to go to our
doctors
 for anything
Correct pronoun usage
that concern
show examples
concern
Correct subject-verb agreement
concerns
show examples
ours
Correct the word
our
show examples
 health, there are several health problems
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
 be serious
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 cause death.
Submitted by firasalfadda2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: