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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sport between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sport between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children #sport #second #three #sports #britain #time #period
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The first chart displays information about the
montly
Correct your spelling
monthly
 expenditure on
children
Use synonyms
's sports in pounds and the second chart shows data about the
number
Use synonyms
 of offspring (
millions
Use synonyms
) in three
disserent
Correct your spelling
different
 sports (football,
athletics
Use synonyms
 and swimming) between 2008 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
amonunt
Correct your spelling
amount
 of money which
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
 on
children
Use synonyms
's outdoor activities rose in the given period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, between 2008 and 20014,
footbal
Correct your spelling
football
 always was the most popular sport. In 2008, 20 pounds was spent on
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 classes and facilities. Between 2008 to 20014
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased to just over 30 pounds.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
footbal
Correct your spelling
football
 was
alway
Correct your spelling
always
 been the most favourite one with approximately 7.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 followers in 2008 and more than 9
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2014. In the case of
athletics
Use synonyms
 and swimming, in 2008, almost no
children
Use synonyms
 participated in
athletics
Use synonyms
 and more than 2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
participated in swimming,
while
Linking Words
 in 2014,
athletics
Use synonyms
 had more participants than swimming with less than 5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and almost 4.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 given period, The
number
Use synonyms
 of swimming athletes
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
athletics
Replace the word
athletes
show examples
 experienced fluctuation. In 2011, the
number
Use synonyms
 of both
groups
Change noun form
group's
groups'
show examples
participantc
Correct your spelling
participants
 was similar with 2.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, number, millions, athletics with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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