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Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
bar
Use synonyms
 above illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 who were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 living in urban,rural and
cities
Use synonyms
 between the time period of 1995 and 2010. Here,we are going to compare the chart and report the main features of the
bar
Use synonyms
 diagram. In 1995,
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 comparatively
high
Correct word choice
higher
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 than the
people
Use synonyms
 born inside
Australia
Use synonyms
. But,
people
Use synonyms
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who are born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in rural areas
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 higher than the
people
Use synonyms
 born inside the capital. Outside
Use synonyms
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
show examples
 those who are living in towns are in the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage. During 2010, the number of
count
Change to a plural noun
counts
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 outside has been increasingly high than the
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 living inside the capital.
People
Use synonyms
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who are living
inside
Change preposition
in
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 in towns and
cities
Use synonyms
 are
comparetively
Correct your spelling
comparatively
 the same. In both the
bar
Use synonyms
 diagrams,
people
Use synonyms
 who are born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in towns are equally the same in percentage. They are the highest among the rest. Comparing both the
bar
Use synonyms
 chart, the least percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 are
whose
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 who are living outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in rural areas.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, people, australia, cities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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