IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The
bar
 above illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 who were born in
Australia
 and
people
 who were born outside
Australia
 living in urban,rural and
cities
 between the time period of 1995 and 2010. Here,we are going to compare the chart and report the main features of the
bar
 diagram. In 1995,
people
 born outside
Australia
 in
cities
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 comparatively
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 than the
people
 born inside
Australia
. But,
people
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who are born outside
Australia
 in rural areas
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 higher than the
people
 born inside the capital. Outside
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
show examples
 those who are living in towns are in the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage. During 2010, the number of
count
Change to a plural noun
counts
show examples
 in
cities
 outside has been increasingly high than the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 living inside the capital.
People
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who are living
inside
Change preposition
in
show examples
Australia
 in towns and
cities
 are
comparetively
Correct your spelling
comparatively
 the same. In both the
bar
 diagrams,
people
 who are born outside
Australia
 in towns are equally the same in percentage. They are the highest among the rest. Comparing both the
bar
 chart, the least percentage of
people
 are
whose
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 who are living outside
Australia
 in rural areas.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Add some linking words.
▼
Linking words: Add linking words.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, people, australia, cities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: