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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

#people #companies #employees #exercise #time
It is often thought that organizational departments should give employees some time for physical exercise during working hours. I strongly agree with
this
 viewpoint and believe that they should be given some extra time in order to stay active during
work
. In
this
 essay, I will give reasons why I support
this
 idea. First and foremost, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 giving extra time to the organizational servants during
work
 is the reduction of stress levels.
This
 means that they will tend to
work
 more actively if they are given some. To put it simply, people will
work
 more actively in order to achieve organizational goals.
Moreover
, they will be more productive and efficient.
In addition
 to
this
, employees will be more active mentally and
consequently
, they will produce better results because they will feel more relaxed.
For example
, a recent study conducted by a famous researcher reveals that people are more likely to produce better results if they indulge in physical activities.
Furthermore
, working institutes should give breaks to staff at jobs because continuous
work
 can lead to depression.
This
 means that many working establishments which do not give exercise gaps to the employees, tend to lose many people because most office
workers
 find the environment to be boring and tedious, and
as a result
, they quit those companies. Not only there is
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
show examples
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
show examples
 but
also
 the environment seems to be boring.
For example
, a famous research institute reveals that offices which give sports gaps to their
workers
 get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive feedback from their
workers
.
Therefore
, organizations should give gaps to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
workers
 in order to create a balance. In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
 viewpoint and reckon that offices should allow
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
workers
 to have exercise breaks to stay mentally and physically fit.
Submitted by tania4malik on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion lack clarity and coherence. Try to provide a stronger and more cohesive introduction and conclusion that briefly summarize your main points and provide closure to your essay.
Task Achievement
Overall, you have addressed the task well and presented clear and comprehensive ideas. Ensure that your examples are relevant and support your points effectively.
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