IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

#people #companies #employees #exercise #time
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It is often thought that organizational departments should give employees some time for physical exercise during working hours. I strongly agree with
this
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 viewpoint and believe that they should be given some extra time in order to stay active during
work
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. In
this
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 essay, I will give reasons why I support
this
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 idea. First and foremost, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 giving extra time to the organizational servants during
work
Use synonyms
 is the reduction of stress levels.
This
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 means that they will tend to
work
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 more actively if they are given some. To put it simply, people will
work
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 more actively in order to achieve organizational goals.
Moreover
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, they will be more productive and efficient.
In addition
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 to
this
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, employees will be more active mentally and
consequently
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, they will produce better results because they will feel more relaxed.
For example
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, a recent study conducted by a famous researcher reveals that people are more likely to produce better results if they indulge in physical activities.
Furthermore
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, working institutes should give breaks to staff at jobs because continuous
work
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 can lead to depression.
This
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 means that many working establishments which do not give exercise gaps to the employees, tend to lose many people because most office
workers
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 find the environment to be boring and tedious, and
as a result
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, they quit those companies. Not only there is
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
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Use synonyms
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
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 but
also
Linking Words
 the environment seems to be boring.
For example
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, a famous research institute reveals that offices which give sports gaps to their
workers
Use synonyms
 get
a
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apply
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positive feedback from their
workers
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.
Therefore
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, organizations should give gaps to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 in order to create a balance. In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
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 viewpoint and reckon that offices should allow
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 to have exercise breaks to stay mentally and physically fit.
Submitted by tania4malik on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion lack clarity and coherence. Try to provide a stronger and more cohesive introduction and conclusion that briefly summarize your main points and provide closure to your essay.
Task Achievement
Overall, you have addressed the task well and presented clear and comprehensive ideas. Ensure that your examples are relevant and support your points effectively.
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