the graph shows the proportion of population age 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries USA, Japan and Sweden .

the graph shows the proportion of population age 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries USA, Japan and Sweden .
The graph shows the increase in the old population in
Japan
, Sweden and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. It indicates that the percentage of elderly
people
in all three
countries
is expected to increase to almost 25% of the old
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
by the year 2040. In 1940 the proportion of
people
aged 65 or more stood at only 5% in
Japan
, approximately 7% in Sweden and 9% in the USA.
However
,
while
the figures for
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
countries
grew to about 15% in around 1990, the figure for
Japan
dipped to only 2.5% for much of
this
period, before rising to almost 5% again at the present time . In spite of some fluctuation in the expected percentages, the proportion of older
people
will probably continue to increase in the next two decades in the three
countries
. A more dramatic rise is predicted between 2030 and 2040 in
Japan
by which time it is thought that the proportion of elderly
people
will be similar in the three
countries
Submitted by sevinch.ibragimova5696 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, people, countries with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: