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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table displays trends concerning the amounts of fast food consumed in Melbourne.

The table displays trends concerning the amounts of fast food consumed in Melbourne.
The
process
Use synonyms
 below illustrates the production of hydro-electricity. There are 7 stages in the
process
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, beginning with the reservoir and
end
Wrong verb form
ending
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 with the turbine being used. It is clear
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
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power
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the
last
Linking Words
 action, which ends
this
Linking Words
process
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.
Power
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lines
Use synonyms
 give strong electrical energy. Looking at
this
Linking Words
 illustration of
process
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 it’s understandable that all stages are connected.
For instance
Linking Words
, reservoir and intake are
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 and second strategies.
Firstly
Linking Words
, through the penstock gone intake to the underground. Penstock is connected
with
Change preposition
to
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 the generator and turbine which helped almost to end
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
.
Generator
Add an article
The generator
A generator
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 is connected with
power
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
powerhouse
Add an article
the powerhouse
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 is
also
Linking Words
 connected with
power
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
, powerhouse
helped
Wrong verb form
helps
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 to generator analyse and work for
hydro-electricity
Correct your spelling
hydroelectricity
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. At the
last
Linking Words
 stage of the
process
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, the electricity supply
according to
Linking Words
 the all
process
Use synonyms
finally
Linking Words
 ended. All intake which goes through the penstock and turbine went to the river. Hydro-electricity is connected with the long distance with
help
Correct article usage
the help
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 of the
power
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
 which
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 electrical energy through the
lines
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, power, lines with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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