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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.
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The given bar charts analyse
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people who have owned a
computer
Use synonyms
 as percentages of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 and by the education levels from 2002 to 2010. As an overview, the graphs
have
Verb problem
show
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 an increasing trend over the
years
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
 possession
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to be higher amongst the highly qualified people. In the
9- year
Correct your spelling
9-year
 period, the ownerships have been
in
Change preposition
on
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 the rise,
however
Linking Words
 small the difference is between the individual
years
Use synonyms
, from 55% in 2002 to 75% in 2010. Relating
this
Linking Words
 graph to the level of education, compared to the more recent
years
Use synonyms
, the earlier
years
Use synonyms
 have a more nomadic trend with only the qualified professionals owning a personal
computer
Use synonyms
 compared to the lowly educated. A major difference observed is that
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of desktops
have
Change the verb form
has
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 increased sharply as students acquired a high
school
Use synonyms
 diploma and started college. In 2002, 10 in 100 population with no high
school
Use synonyms
 diploma owned computers
whereas
Linking Words
 the number raised to almost 40 in 100 once they became a high
school
Use synonyms
 graduate. In 2010, 2 in 5 people owned desktops as
Use synonyms
school goings
Correct your spelling
school-going
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 kids and the
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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rised
Correct your spelling
rise
rose
raised
 to 3 in 5 by the time they graduated. The difference is unappreciable though,as they graduate and get a
post graduate
Add a hyphen
post-graduate
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 diploma. In conclusion, recent
years
Use synonyms
 have definitely seen most of the houses with a
computer
Use synonyms
, more so if there's a qualified professional in the house.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, years, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend analysis
  • population demographics
  • educational attainment
  • disparities
  • technological advancement
  • digital divide
  • market penetration
  • socio-economic factors
  • predictive insights
  • statistical significance
  • longitudinal study
  • accessibility
  • affordability
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