Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?
Extreme
activities
make many people's
Change noun form
people
do
risk their livesUnnecessary verb
apply
?
Doing extreme Change the punctuation
.
activities
give
people frightened and Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
exiting
Correct your spelling
exciting
emotion
, Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
consequently
they Add a comma
consequently,
are
get an adrenaline rush. It is dangerously climbing mountains and hand gliding , Unnecessary verb
apply
although
these
who are engaged in Correct pronoun usage
those
this
get unforgettable emotions subsequently
risky sports are very popular.
Extreme sports gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
unusually
feelings and help to distress. People who Change the word
unusual
doing
Change the form of the verb
do
this
type
of activities
can do it to get away from routine or Fix the agreement mistake
activity
like
a hobby . Some Change preposition
as
persons
Replace the word
people
wants
to break a record and they are taking Change the verb form
want
such
actions like canyoning, mountain biking Correct quantifier usage
apply
an
climbing. Correct your spelling
and
This
can be considered as type
of relaxing or specifical vacation.
I agree Add an article
a type
this
is a nice trend. As i
wrote earlier extreme Change the capitalization
I
activities
help to relieve stress. Such
type
of load for body
even healthy in some cases. Add an article
the body
However
it is very hazardous because by doing Add a comma
However,
this
climbers can get serious injury
like breaking Fix the agreement mistake
injuries
bone
, Fix the agreement mistake
bones
brain
Correct word choice
and brain
concussion
it is possible to die. But persons who know Fix the agreement mistake
concussions
his
maximum and Correct pronoun usage
their
frightened
of Add a missing verb
are frightened
this
type
of activity will not do this
.
After all in my opinion risking your life is normal in adequate conditions. Also
this
is has
more advantages than bad sides. I do not see anything wrong of course it is hazardous but Change the verb form
has
i
Change the capitalization
I
sure
it will be more helpful than harmful.Add a missing verb
am sure
Submitted by dnm.best on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer structure, with distinctive paragraphs for each main idea. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Make sure to present well-supported points in each paragraph. Include more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid repeating information and ideas. Focus on providing a variety of points and evidence to support your position.
general
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve readability and clarity.
task achievement
You presented the key reasons why people engage in extreme activities, and whether you think it is a good trend, which directly addresses the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good overall structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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