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Band 5.5

It is common nowadays for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think this will lead to a break down in family relationships and communication.(To what extent do you agree?)

#member #piece #technology #people #break #relationships #communication
It is indeed true that nowadays everyone has their own pieces of modern
technology
such
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
laptops
Correct word choice
and laptops
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 some individuals believe that it would be a trouble to maintain a good relationship and communication system with their family
members
. I completely agree with the given statement.
To begin
 with, nowadays most
people
 spend their free
time
 with mobile phones rather than their family
members
. They spend their
time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching movies or playing video games, which is one of the reasons they don't have much
time
 to talk with their family
members
.
For Example
,
according to
 recent
data
Add a comma
,data
show examples
 half
million
Correct article usage
a million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students use mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for watching movies or playing video games in Bangladesh.
Secondly
, most of the
time
 when someone comes back from their jobs or schools with a brick pressure
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they avoid their family
members
 to talk with them. They use
technology
 so that they can reduce their stress. In fact most of the
time
 they spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
 without talking to their family
members
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 or other devices where they can spend their free
time
. It not only creates caps between their family
members
 but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
affects their social life.
For example
,
according to
 research by New
york's
Change noun form
york
show examples
time
 they show every five
people
 in the world have a gap with their family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 for using mobile phones.
To conclude
, I believe that
technology
 is good for
people
's social life but our use of
technology
 will create gaps
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 communication with family
members
 and other
people
.
Submitted by muhammadnaim194196 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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