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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion.

#countries #world #life #expectancy
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Nowadays,
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 number of people
except
Correct your spelling
expect
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 to have a better
life
Use synonyms
, no matter where they live. There are some advantages which contribute individuals to
this
Linking Words
 trend
as well as
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 some advantages. I think
than
Correct word choice
that
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 the benefits,
such
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 as better
life
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 facilities, overweight the drawbacks. On one hand, some believe that
due to
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 the increasing proportion of
life
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 expectancy, gap generation among the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 of a society would be grown up.
For instance
Linking Words
, purchasing Modern and well-decorated houses and automobiles would require
a
Change the article
an
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 excessive amount of money, which is
unaffoardable
Correct your spelling
unaffordable
affordable
 for most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals.
Furthermore
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,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of high-qualified hospitals and job opportunities in developing
countries
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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significantly
Replace the adverb
significant
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. In
this
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 situation, poorer
countries
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' citizens would compare themselves with developed and richer ones.
As a result
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,
migration
Correct article usage
the migration
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rate
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 in developing
countries
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such
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 as India, Iran and Iraq would be
more
Correct word choice
higher
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 than
other
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in other
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 places of the world.
However
Linking Words
, with the increasing
rate
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 of
life
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 expectancy,
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
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rate
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 would be increased among the people. Most of the folks, especially younger ones, try to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 the level of their knowledge to stay up-to-date in comparison with their peers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 situations, the governments try to boost the quality of vehicles, public transportation and academic environments to keep the global standards. In my opinion, if the state
provide
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provides
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infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
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 for children and teenagers, we will have a satisfying future, which is comparable with other developed areas. In conclusion, there are some drawbacks
for
Change preposition
to
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 increasing
Use synonyms
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
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 of
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy,
such
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 as disappointing sense amount developing
countries
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.
However
Linking Words
, I personally think that having high and global standards
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
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 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments and citizens to compete with other societies for
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better life condition
better life conditions
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life
Use synonyms
 conditions.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • advancements in medical technology
  • healthcare services
  • diagnosis and treatment
  • nutrition
  • healthy lifestyles
  • public health policies
  • vaccination programs
  • sanitation efforts
  • socioeconomic factors
  • standards of living
  • education levels
  • infant mortality rates
  • maternal care
  • mental health awareness
  • stress-related disorders
  • declining rates of smoking
  • substance abuse
  • genetic research
  • personalized medicine
  • hereditary diseases
  • longevity
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