The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.
The presented graph depicts the changes in the
numbers
of European young adult alumni,
both
male and female, having no employment status between January 2008 and
October
2009.
Overall
, during these 2 years, male graduates'
numbers
,
as well as
female, had some fluctuations, which, in the end, led to a rise in the
numbers
of
both
non-employed groups.
Nevertheless
, the men were more affected by unemployment than
women
over the whole period. Some similarities in
both
sexes former students'
numbers
can be noticed. Between January 2008 and July 2009, the percentage of male unemployed graduates fell from 10% to approximately 6% and stayed at
this
level until July. The same pattern is seen in the female case, decreasing from roughly 6% to 2%.
Nonetheless
, in
October
2008, a boom in
both
men's and
women
's
numbers
followed the fall: the former percentage rocketed to slightly higher than 15% and the latter to more than 10%. The period from
October
2008 to April 2009 has some similarities as well: there was a drop in
both
genders alumni
numbers
. Yet the male graduate's
numbers
fall leveled off at the number of around 14%,
while
the female
numbers
continued their decrease and reached the same level as in April-July 2008 – approximately 2%. In July 2009, there was a dramatic rise to 10% in
women
alumni
numbers
. At the same time, the male former students' percentage went down to roughly 12%. In
October
2009,
both
groups peaked at over 20% for men and a bit less than 15% for
women
.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words numbers, both, october, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.

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