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The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.
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The presented graph depicts the changes in the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of European young adult alumni,
both
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 male and female, having no employment status between January 2008 and
October
Use synonyms
 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, during these 2 years, male graduates'
numbers
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 female, had some fluctuations, which, in the end, led to a rise in the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
both
Use synonyms
 non-employed groups.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the men were more affected by unemployment than
women
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 over the whole period. Some similarities in
both
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 sexes former students'
numbers
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 can be noticed. Between January 2008 and July 2009, the percentage of male unemployed graduates fell from 10% to approximately 6% and stayed at
this
Linking Words
 level until July. The same pattern is seen in the female case, decreasing from roughly 6% to 2%.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, in
October
Use synonyms
 2008, a boom in
both
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 men's and
women
Use synonyms
's
numbers
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 followed the fall: the former percentage rocketed to slightly higher than 15% and the latter to more than 10%. The period from
October
Use synonyms
 2008 to April 2009 has some similarities as well: there was a drop in
both
Use synonyms
 genders alumni
numbers
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. Yet the male graduate's
numbers
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 fall leveled off at the number of around 14%,
while
Linking Words
 the female
numbers
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 continued their decrease and reached the same level as in April-July 2008 – approximately 2%. In July 2009, there was a dramatic rise to 10% in
women
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 alumni
numbers
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. At the same time, the male former students' percentage went down to roughly 12%. In
October
Use synonyms
 2009,
both
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 groups peaked at over 20% for men and a bit less than 15% for
women
Use synonyms
.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words numbers, both, october, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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