IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line graph illustrates the link between
age
Use synonyms
 and
crime
Use synonyms
 rate
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart demonstrates kinds of the criminal actions in the UK for the previous year.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that adults aged from 16 to 20 have committed
crimes
Use synonyms
 more than both younger and older people
while
Linking Words
 the violent type of
crime
Use synonyms
 has indicated the highest index compared to other types for
last
Linking Words
 year.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there were no cases of
crime
Use synonyms
 between children from 0 to 8 years of
age
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the quantity of
crimes
Use synonyms
 wa began from 8
age
Use synonyms
 to 20
age
Use synonyms
 and the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
was enhanced
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 dramatically from
3 000
Correct your spelling
3,000
 to 80 000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 index
started
Add the particle
tostarted
show examples
 fall down steadily from 80 000 to 20 000
crimes
Use synonyms
 for 28 ages people. Among the oldest people the number of
crimeshas
Correct your spelling
crimes has
crimes as
a steady drop to 10 000
crimes
Use synonyms
 for the 60-year-old.
Secondly
Linking Words
, violent
crime
Use synonyms
 has almost half
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 among types of
crime
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
46%.
However
Linking Words
, property
crime
Use synonyms
 and drug
crime
Use synonyms
 were similar at 23% and 22% respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, public order
crime
Use synonyms
 has a lower percentage in comparison with other types
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 9%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, crime, crimes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: