Topic: Some sociologists say that, it is a waste of time for students to pursue secondary education for 12 years. It is better to shorten it to 9 years only, then go to vocational school to learn a skill applied in their jobs or go to university to get a degree. To what extent do you agree with this?

Many sociologists believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the secondary 12
years
school education is a waste of
time
, and they agree that it should be reduced to 9
years
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
agree with the statement and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will explain my reasons in
this
essay. Based on my
experiece
Correct your spelling
experience
from education in a
12
Correct your spelling
12-year
years
system,
this
idea provides a great situation for the children to choose the most suitable job for their future. Decreasing the
time
of academic instruction speeds
the
Change preposition
up the
show examples
process of
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
many aspects.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
the idea of 9
years
school
Change preposition
of school
show examples
education
supllies
Correct your spelling
supplies
a
magnificant
Correct your spelling
magnificent
invironment
Correct your spelling
environment
for the
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
to learn more skills and be productive in their
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
career.
According to
the new
survays
Correct your spelling
surveys
survey
,
majourity
Correct your spelling
majority
of people prefer to start their career with a university degree. Many
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
believe,
getting
Correct word choice
that getting
show examples
educated in college qualifies them to find a job with more profits
such
as
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
level of salary and get
pleased
Replace the word
pleasure
show examples
in society. The 9
years
academic
Change preposition
of academic
show examples
instruction, gives them more
time
to select the most suitable
majour
Correct your spelling
major
and improve the level of their knowledge about their
proffesion
Correct your spelling
profession
.
To sum up
, reducing the
time
of academic instruction provides more
time
and opportunities in the process of making progress, in
this
way, they can be more productive and
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
for their society.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!