IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #restaurants #information #dishes #outweigh
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Nowadays, the modern trend to lead a healthy lifestyle is becoming more popular around the world. So, the community tend to stick to a diet, which is required to count the number of nutritional components in their food.
Thus
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, it will be better if cafeterias show data about nutrients, which are consistent in their dishes. There is a considerable amount of benefits when restaurants disclose nutritional information. First off, one of the main global problems around the world is obesity resulting in different diseases, like atherosclerosis and cardiovascular diseases.
Thus
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, it is great that people control their diet in order to be healthy.
It is clear that
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 they should know about the quantity of calories and the number of proteins, carbs and fats in products that they eat.
Besides
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, some people suffer from diseases like diabetes that require them to count the amount of carbs, because it is vital to them to define a necessary concentration of insulin.
However
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, there are a few drawbacks for restaurants, because counting nutritional components demands a great deal of time, especially when there are a lot of visitors in
this
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 place.
In addition
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, some of the food,
that is
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 made in the cafeteria, consists of a large number of calories that chiefs do not want to disclose to the public. Despite
this
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, these issues can be effectively addressed to the management of these places in order to show visitors the nutritional information.
Although
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 there are a few disadvantages of revealing the information about the dishes in restaurants, like problems in organizing
this
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 process and uninteresting in it, there are a lot of advantages for the population who lead a healthy lifestyle and have a specific disease.
Submitted by aleskovamaria02 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-defined paragraphs and a progression of ideas. Consider using a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences to better organize your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly by providing clear, logical explanations and by incorporating a variety of relevant examples to support your arguments. Avoid generalizations that are unsupported by specific evidence.
task achievement
Address the task more completely by thoroughly discussing both the advantages and disadvantages related to the prompt, and make sure to answer the direct question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your conclusion should reflect this analysis.
task achievement
Strive to articulate your ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring that each point and example you include directly contributes to addressing the essay question. Avoid unrelated or vague statements.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. Broad statements without clear examples can make your essay less convincing. Detailed examples add depth to your discussion and demonstrate a stronger understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutritional information
  • Calorie count
  • Public health
  • Informed choices
  • Accountability
  • Dietary requirements
  • Logistics
  • Analyzing
  • Unhealthy ingredients
  • Consumer
  • Health outcomes
  • Gluten-free
  • Overemphasis
  • Comprehensive understanding
  • Dining experience
  • Clinical experience
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