IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that traditional gender roles are important for maintaining social order, while others argue that they restrict personal freedom and perpetuate inequality. Discuss both views.

#people #gender #roles #freedom #inequality
There is a controversial issue
for
Change preposition
regarding
show examples
 how
gender
roles
 should be. Many individuals argue that one of the paramount
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 for
stability
Add an article
the stability
show examples
 of socialization is
non-alternate
Correct article usage
the non-alternate
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gender
 position
although
 contrary people think they limit their independence and continue inequity.
This
 essay will discuss both opinions and provide some
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 in the forthcoming paragraphs. There is
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
 why sexes role should be not changed. One of the most significant
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is that both males and
females
 have their own tasks in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
.
For example
, man has responsibility for not only earning money but
also
 looking after family and other male
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
while
females
 have duties
such
 as
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
, cooking delicious meals, washing up dirty clothes and bringing up
children
 to be mature in the future.
By contrast
, if
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
 works in a company and
man
Correct article usage
a man
show examples
 stays at home caring for youngsters it is
unusual
Correct article usage
an unusual
show examples
 event because male muscles are stronger than
females
 and their temper can rise faster so they can not take care of
children
 properly like mothers.
This
 legality
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
conventional sex
roles
 since ancient times.
On the other hand
, there are several views about traditional
gender
roles
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
 cause inequity and
also
 confine freedom.
In other words
, some argue that equality is more vital in many developing countries.
For example
, men are superior in Arabic countries and women are not allowed to work. In
this
 case, women may suffer from inequality but they are adapted
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 kind
religion
Change preposition
of religion
show examples
 so
females
 do not feel abject themselves.
However
, many women
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
willingness
Replace the word
willing
show examples
 to be the same
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 men in European countries
such
 as England, Brazil, Argentina and so on. They want to be identical
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 males at work, at home even looking after
children
.
Overall
, how
gender
roles
 should
divide
Wrong verb form
be divided
show examples
 depends on
themselves who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
males and
females
.
This
 essay explained some confirmation about
gender
 positions
such
 as conventional which is paramount in lifestyle and imbalances about freedom.
Submitted by i.nuraliyev on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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