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Band 5.5

Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #internet
In
this
 globalization era, the
internet
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 one of the most essential things and
takes
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 a huge part in our lives. No one can deny that the
internet
 has a lot of benefits and it helps us in different spheres, but its
use
 can bring some drawbacks as well. I strongly agree with the statement and think the
internet
 can create different
problems
. First of all, the
internet
 is an open space that
people
 of all ages, generations, and backgrounds can
acsess
Correct your spelling
access
. It allows
people
 to share everything that they want and there
is not
Verb problem
are
show examples
any
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
 limitations.
For example
,
people
 can share their opinions and even their hate speech with others without any barriers.
Consequently
, those who
exposed
Add a missing verb
were exposed
show examples
 to hate speech even committed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
suicide.
Secondly
, as the
internet
 becomes more involved in our lives, the number of cybercrimes is increasing. Hackers can steal users' private data,
such
 as photos, correspondence or card information and
use
 them for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Finally
, the excessive
use
 of the
internet
 by
people
 causes
internet
 addiction and
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
problems
.
This
 isolates
people
 and makes them more introverted.
According to
 the latest research, spending a lot of time on the
internet
 gives rise to attention deficit and concentration
problems
. It is no coincidence that these
problems
 are among the most important
problems
 of the 21st century, in which the
internet
 is widely used. In conclusion, the
internet
 makes our work easier in almost every aspect of our lives, from business to education, and creates countless opportunities for us, but it
also
 causes some serious
problems
.
For
this
 reason, we need to
use
 the
internet
 more carefully and wisely.
Submitted by jeyranmurshudlu on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction presents a clear thesis statement regarding your stance on the issue. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and ensure that each supporting idea and example is directly related to the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure and contains a clear introduction and conclusion. However, work on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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