IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words
 line chart depicts the ratio of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
joblessness in two countries, the United States and
Japan
Use synonyms
 from 3/1993 to 3/1999. It is clear from the graph that, there was a significant gap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the unemployment
rate
Use synonyms
 in
March
Use synonyms
 1993
although
Linking Words
 in
March
Use synonyms
 1999 the
rate
Use synonyms
comes
Verb problem
was
show examples
 at the same level.

According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 USA, the percentage of work
force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 dropped sharply by 1.5% between
March
Use synonyms
 1993 and
March
Use synonyms
 1995 and remained stable
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 5.5 per cent for two years.
Then
Linking Words
, at the beginning of 1997-03, the ratio began to decrease
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4.3 percent in 1999-03.
The proportion of unemployed in
Japan
Use synonyms
Linking Words
on
Add the comma(s)
,on
show examples
 the other hand, was 2.3 per cent and gradually
cilmbed
Correct your spelling
climbed
 to 3.5% in
March
Use synonyms
 1996.
Then
Linking Words
, remained steady at the same ratio till rocketed significantly from
March
Use synonyms
 1998 to
March
Use synonyms
 1999 to 4.7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that the
American’s
Change noun form
American
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployed was more than
Use synonyms
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
 by 5.3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 03/1993
while
Linking Words
 in 03/1999,
Use synonyms
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 had become more than
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 by 1 per cent.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, rate, march with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rates
  • graph
  • trend
  • changes
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • findings
  • observations
  • data
  • statistics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: