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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#unemployment #rates #japan #march #report #university #lecturer #information
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This
 line chart depicts the ratio of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
joblessness in two countries, the United States and
Japan
 from 3/1993 to 3/1999. It is clear from the graph that, there was a significant gap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the unemployment
rate
 in
March
 1993
although
 in
March
 1999 the
rate
comes
Verb problem
was
show examples
 at the same level.

According to
 what is shown,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 USA, the percentage of work
force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 dropped sharply by 1.5% between
March
 1993 and
March
 1995 and remained stable
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 5.5 per cent for two years.
Then
, at the beginning of 1997-03, the ratio began to decrease
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4.3 percent in 1999-03.
The proportion of unemployed in
Japan
on
Add the comma(s)
,on
show examples
 the other hand, was 2.3 per cent and gradually
cilmbed
Correct your spelling
climbed
 to 3.5% in
March
 1996.
Then
, remained steady at the same ratio till rocketed significantly from
March
 1998 to
March
 1999 to 4.7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

To sum up
, we could say that the
American’s
Change noun form
American
show examples
rate
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployed was more than
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
 by 5.3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 03/1993
while
 in 03/1999,
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
rate
 had become more than
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 by 1 per cent.
Submitted by firasalfadda2 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, rate, march with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rates
  • graph
  • trend
  • changes
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • findings
  • observations
  • data
  • statistics
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