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Writing Samples
Band 5

Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree?

#improvement #health #education #trade #development #nations #governments #responsibility #areas
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There are several social
aspects
Use synonyms
 that can help developing
countries
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 to decrease
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
 rate. These
aspects
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 involve
health
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,
education
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, and
trade
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 which make several
nations
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 tackle social issues. If the poverty rate is lower than before, those
nations
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 can spend their
money
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 to produce something beneficial on other factors.
However
Linking Words
, rich
countries
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 have several actions to help
poorer
Correct article usage
the poorer
show examples
 so
this
Linking Words
 situation will create interaction among them.
Health
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,
education
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, and
trade
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 are basic points for life.
First,
Linking Words
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health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 aspect will affect everything, if
people
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 get sick.
People
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 cannot contribute to generate income for their family,
so
Correct word choice
but so
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 do their country. Government should be aware
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 aspect because
this
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 is the most important thing
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life. It can be done, if the government can improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospitality by
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 modern tools for the hospital.
Second,
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education
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 will improve
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
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 of citizens. It can be good enough
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the government serve the best quality of
education
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 systems
such
Linking Words
 as teachers, schools, salaries, and many more.
Last
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,
trade
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 can influence the economic aspect of some
nations
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. It will produce a huge amount of
money
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
nations
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 can maintain and manage ports, airports, and so on. Those
aspects
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 can be successful
,
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apply
show examples
 if rich nation give their support to
poorer
Correct word choice
the poor
show examples
. To illustrate
this
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, rich
countries
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 can invest their
money
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
show examples
 resources of developing
countries
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. They can give
money
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 farmers. In the end, rich
countries
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 will
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from crops that farmers have gotten.
Second,
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rich
countries
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 may create some exchange programs to help
people
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 learn something new.
For instance
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, professors can help
people
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 and farmers to get
best
Change the article
the best
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 yield when they are cultivating something or they can teach students in the school
for motivating
Change preposition
to motivate
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 them to study abroad.
To conclude
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, there are a lot of interactions among these
nations
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 to help each other. Creating some programs may help poorer
nations
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 to improve their social
aspects
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 in
health
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,
education
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, and
trade
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.
Then
Linking Words
, they can learn something new and excellent for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better future.
Finally
Linking Words
, they improve the social
aspects
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 themselves.
Submitted by irhamtaufiqurrahman on

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