IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays people get married and have children after the age of 30. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples based on your experiences.

#people #children #age #development #experiences
In these times, many people take in
marriage
 and have their
kids
 after they reach 30 years old. When taking it into account, I believe that
this
phenomenal
Replace the word
phenomenon
show examples
 is either positive or negative.
This
 article will deliver my
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 issue,
however
, argue in favor of the former.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 begin with, getting married and having their children after 30 are now going on trend
due to
 the generation change. GenX, who is believed to
be
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 born before 1990, mostly have their own family. GenZ, who was born after the 1990s,
Correct word choice
and grown
show examples
grown
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 up in the era of
4th
Correct article usage
the 4th
show examples
 industrial revolution, have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 mindset. They believe that they should concentrate on
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
 themselves
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 younger
age
 in order to be mature enough and have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to give their children the best environment to grow up
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Hence
, only when they are well-prepared in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of their mental health, and
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 for a
marriage
,
etc
Correct your spelling
etc.
...
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they would get married.
This
 development are great
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 because the more careful the couple prepare for their
marriage
, the better their married life will be.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, getting married and having
kids
 after the
age
 of 30 can
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in some consequences. Many
kids
 whose parents are over 30 have some health issues. As an example, children whose parents are in the
age
 of 35 have weaker
immunse
Correct your spelling
immune
 systems than the ones with under 30-year-old parents.
To sum up
, taking in
marriage
 and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 birth at the
age
 of 30 becomes more and more normal. I strongly believe that trend would lead to a better married life
as well as
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 environment to raise their
kids
 up.
Submitted by viethoangnguyen0611 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: