IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays people get married and have children after the age of 30. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples based on your experiences.

#people #children #age #development #experiences
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In these times, many people take in
marriage
Use synonyms
 and have their
kids
Use synonyms
 after they reach 30 years old. When taking it into account, I believe that
this
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phenomenal
Replace the word
phenomenon
show examples
 is either positive or negative.
This
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 article will deliver my
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
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of
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
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 issue,
however
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, argue in favor of the former.
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to
Capitalize word
To
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 begin with, getting married and having their children after 30 are now going on trend
due to
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 the generation change. GenX, who is believed to
be
Wrong verb form
have been
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 born before 1990, mostly have their own family. GenZ, who was born after the 1990s,
Correct word choice
and grown
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grown
Wrong verb form
grew
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 up in the era of
4th
Correct article usage
the 4th
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 industrial revolution, have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 mindset. They believe that they should concentrate on
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
 themselves
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 younger
age
Use synonyms
 in order to be mature enough and have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to give their children the best environment to grow up
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Hence
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, only when they are well-prepared in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of their mental health, and
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 for a
marriage
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,
etc
Correct your spelling
etc.
...
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they would get married.
This
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 development are great
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 because the more careful the couple prepare for their
marriage
Use synonyms
, the better their married life will be.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, getting married and having
kids
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 after the
age
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 of 30 can
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in some consequences. Many
kids
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 whose parents are over 30 have some health issues. As an example, children whose parents are in the
age
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 of 35 have weaker
immunse
Correct your spelling
immune
 systems than the ones with under 30-year-old parents.
To sum up
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, taking in
marriage
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 and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 birth at the
age
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 of 30 becomes more and more normal. I strongly believe that trend would lead to a better married life
as well as
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better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 environment to raise their
kids
Use synonyms
 up.
Submitted by viethoangnguyen0611 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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