IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#college #students #home #parents
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In modern society, some individuals share the same thought that advertising effectively succeeds in convincing us to purchase their products,
whereas
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 others assume
commercials
Use synonyms
 are
such
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 a prevalent thing that today they make no impression on us. In my perspective, I support the idea that we are still under the effect of
commercials
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 and it will be explained
further
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 in
this
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 essay. On one hand,
firstly
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,we can make sense of the idea of advertising influence on us because
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
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mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 will be packed with the product brand name after watching its campaigns many times.
For instance
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, if you watch lots of advertisements
of
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for
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 the drink called Lime, you will be prone to think of Lime when you hear or think about drinks.
Secondly
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, companies invest a tremendous amount of money in order to promote and make customers curious about their new merchandise. An amusing advertisement can stimulate buyers’ curiosity and lead the customers to spend money on the goods which are advertised.
On the other hand
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, the assumption that advertising is too common for many people to be impressed is understandable because the frequency of advertisements shown is considered annoying and time-consuming.Currently, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research conducted by
Vietnamese
Correct article usage
the Vietnamese
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 government showed that nearly 90% of Vietnamese residents feel
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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distracted by ads
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
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, pop-up ads, banners,
so
Correct word choice
and so
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 on when they watch films or go to
a websites
Correct the article-noun agreement
a website
websites
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. Another reason is consumers nowadays are much more selective than they used to
, so
Add a missing verb
be, so
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commercials
Use synonyms
 can not easily
put
Verb problem
apply
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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. They won’t be hasty in making purchases after watching an advertisement, and
instead
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, they are apt to read the feedback and reviews about the merchandise before buying it. To my mind, I think
commercials
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 still affect our decision to buy products because it is an effective way to promote a new product or a nameless brand to consumers. If nobody knew the brand or products, how would the product be consumed
?.
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?
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Therefore
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, advertising plays a crucial role in
flourishing
Correct article usage
the flourishing
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the
Change preposition
of the
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 economy. In conclusion, people
divide
Wrong verb form
are divided
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 into two groups, one thinks advertising is important to convince us to make purchases, and another considers
commercials
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unattached for them. Each side has understandable reasons to believe their thoughts. For me, the affection of
commercials
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 for buying goods does not fade away in the present.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • responsibility
  • life skills
  • budgeting
  • cooking
  • time management
  • social integration
  • networking
  • extracurricular activities
  • academic resources
  • distractions
  • cultural exposure
  • personal development
  • global understanding
  • self-discovery
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: