IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

As the number of senior individuals continues to rise, interest in
retirement
Use synonyms
 benefits is increasing as well. Pension is one of the most important advantages of
retirement
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the eligibility
age
Use synonyms
 is debatable. Numerous nations have
age
Use synonyms
 requirements for obtaining pensions. In spite of
this
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, I believe that
age
Use synonyms
 should be more flexible for every individual. Specifically for
people
Use synonyms
 whose jobs entail a great deal of physical exercise.
To begin
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 with, every family and individual has a unique life and family plan.
Consequently
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, forcing
people
Use synonyms
 to retire at a set
age
Use synonyms
 does not seem rational. It should have a fair duration so that
people
Use synonyms
 can retire in accordance with their goals.
For instance
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, if the law permits
people
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 to get their pension between the ages of 60 and 70,
then
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people
Use synonyms
 can plan their post-
retirement
Use synonyms
 life with flexibility and to the greatest extent possible. Particularly, occupations in the trade, hospitality, and athletics necessitate different physical activities.
Due to
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 the characteristics of jobs, it is difficult for workers to continue working past
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
65
Change preposition
of 65
show examples
.
In other words
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, it is physically impossible to continue working and earning an income in those jobs when
people
Use synonyms
 are old,
whereas
Linking Words
 office employment may be maintained regardless of
age
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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, the
age
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 rule must be loosened if certain positions may be filled for reasonable reasons. In conclusion, it is irrational to have a predetermined
age
Use synonyms
 requirement for
retirement
Use synonyms
 and pension. Respecting varied life plans and job characteristics, it is possible to have a flexible period, allowing individuals to construct their own
retirement
Use synonyms
 plans.

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