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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004.

The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004.
The bar graph depicts the salary received annually by
doctors
Use synonyms
 and other
workers
Use synonyms
 in seven countries in the year 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all the given countries
doctors
Use synonyms
 get more pay than other
workers
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 in their respective countries.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the US gave the highest salaries of about 120 and 40
thousand
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 yearly for
doctors
Use synonyms
 and other
workers
Use synonyms
 respectively. Medical staff in Italy, Czech
Rebublic
Correct your spelling
Republic
,
Germany
Correct word choice
and Germany
show examples
 get almost the same pay of around 60
thousand
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Similarly
Add a comma
,Similarly
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 the same trend of the constant value was seen in the salaries of other staff. Finland stayed as the country that gave the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 income of 50
thousand
Use synonyms
 for medical staff and
also
Linking Words
 provided other
workers
Use synonyms
 with 25
thousand
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
income
Change preposition
in income
show examples
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the France and Switzerland
doctors
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' annual income was the second highest
of
Change preposition
at
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 about 60
thousand
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 . In the same way,
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 had
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equal salary of 40
thousand
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words doctors, workers, thousand, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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